Anyone else catch the irony in the 2 articles below? They are from the same day,the same planet,the same century!
Is the reporter in Charlotte SC that narrow-minded to think they can't get anyone to read about infertility and ordinary people seeking specific criteria in an egg donor without it being "a designer baby". Its usually celebrities or the obviously-too-rich-and-selfish who are tied to that antiquated terminology.
Its long been known that Nicole Kidman has had infertility issues. I'm so glad she has chosen to handle her situation with class and dignity and that ABC news headline treats her as a human being with feelings, not just (and so much more important than) her celebrity status.
Still,if she's being honest and open about using an egg donor and gestational carrier, I'm very pleased that she could be our spokesperson. Its not like she needs another award or to endorse some other product,right?
So, thanks Nicole and Keith and congratulations. May you and your family enjoy only health and happiness always in welcoming your new baby!
Sincerely,
Sara Axel
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
DE Mom Talking With Her ART/ObGyn about Language
I saw my OB/Gyn yesterday for routine check-up. He is moving totally out of OB work and focusing now on what he has long been involved in – ART.
He is the first to ever say DE to me. At first, I was referred to his “partner” at the time, my Dr was only “assisting” in those procedures then.
Now, my Dr has opened an ART office in our mid-western suburb and has announced that he will discontinue the OB practice (he said he has a few babies yet to deliver), but will keep his long-time patients who don’t need those OB services, for GYN treatment. I love the heck out of this guy; and so, I am happy to follow. After all, he did get me successfully through 2 high risk pregnancies.
Yesterday, he was asking about the kids, and telling his nurse asst, that I was his “oldest” mom ever - and still. He actually seemed surprised to hear I was 50 when I delivered my son. We talked about our egg donor, and of the kid’s “casual” familiarity with her. They clearly know that she IS special to us.
I gently corrected him, when he called her their “biological mother”, by saying quietly “genetic”. Hopefully, it will be the LAST correction he ever needs. It’s his total sweetness, that allows my own quick forgiveness. He meant “nothing” wrong. I was a “good” one to make such a language error with.
Debbie, from the original Falling Leaves, Autumn Sunshine, Sunshine Family groups.
DE Moms Talking To Their Kids in 2011
Or talking to your friends, family, doctors ?
Let me know if you'd like to join the conversation and what you'd like to add.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Please contact me directly at SAXEL95@AOL.COM.
Let me know if you'd like to join the conversation and what you'd like to add.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Please contact me directly at SAXEL95@AOL.COM.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
The Family Scholars
From the Family Scholars-the meanest cruelest bloggers out there and this is what the say about posting comments
on their site:
Bloggers and commenters: be rigorous, be powerful, be funny, but don't be mean.
on their site:
Bloggers and commenters: be rigorous, be powerful, be funny, but don't be mean.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
NYC MOM talks to her SON and about DE
We had a very interesting conversation about donor egg after dinner one night last month. I think this conversation touches on so many different aspects of DE (science, genetic traits, nature vs nurture, what's a "mother.") And it only took 5 minutes. Probably the last time we discussed it was six months before.
I asked him if he would help me read the elephant book to his little brother. I told him I'd like his help to try to explain to his brother who is age two and a half, how much I wanted a baby and how a doctor helped us. We talked a lot more about the "donor" than we ever had before. Before this night, I don't think I ever used the word "donor", just a special lady who gave the doctor an egg so that the doctor could help us get pregnant.
He was asking if he had any of my genes ("just maybe a few?" he asked, hopefully) and I said that he has some traits that are from me because he grew in my womb and because he lives with me, but they aren't technically from genes. Then he asked if the donor had green eyes, like him. (I couldn't remember! I said "I think so, but I'll have to check"). He asked how I'd check, since we didn't meet her.
I explained that even though we didn't meet her (I used the term anonymous, he knows what that means), the doctor met her and she also filled out a form with some information about her, which I kept (somewhere). He volunteered, "I bet I have some traits from daddy, some from the donor, some from you, mommy, and some from being created in a petrie dish!!" Yes, probably you do! He proposed that "sixty-percent of all children who are made in a petrie dish become very interested in science." He said he wants to become a chemist and an inventor when he grows up and that he's going to invent a lot of websites. One of the websites will be a community where donors and families can connect "and chat to eachother." (He's been spending time on Club Penguin and also has his own home page on shelfari.com, a reading community) So I asked, did he want to connect with his donor? "Sure!" he said. I told him that some donors don't want to meet the families they helped but they were very happy to help couples who wanted babies by donating "just a cell" from their bodies. They didn't consider it creating a child, just donating an egg and helping a couple who needed one.
I told him that the other evening, I went to dinner with other mothers who made their babies with an egg from a donor. He said, "Really? Wow!" I guess I should bring him to one of those DE family gatherings. At some point in the conversation, he called the donor an "ex-mother" GASP! Where does he come up with this?? (he did not call her HIS "ex-mother", mind you, just AN ex-mother). I said (extremely calmly, by the way) that the donor is not a mother, just a donor, and I asked him what he thinks a "mother" is. And he said a mother is " a mom you grow up with." He asked me if I wanted to meet the donor. I said that if I ever met her, I would like to say "Thank you for helping us make our son!" (neatly side stepping the question..., don't you think?)
That's about it!
I asked him if he would help me read the elephant book to his little brother. I told him I'd like his help to try to explain to his brother who is age two and a half, how much I wanted a baby and how a doctor helped us. We talked a lot more about the "donor" than we ever had before. Before this night, I don't think I ever used the word "donor", just a special lady who gave the doctor an egg so that the doctor could help us get pregnant.
He was asking if he had any of my genes ("just maybe a few?" he asked, hopefully) and I said that he has some traits that are from me because he grew in my womb and because he lives with me, but they aren't technically from genes. Then he asked if the donor had green eyes, like him. (I couldn't remember! I said "I think so, but I'll have to check"). He asked how I'd check, since we didn't meet her.
I explained that even though we didn't meet her (I used the term anonymous, he knows what that means), the doctor met her and she also filled out a form with some information about her, which I kept (somewhere). He volunteered, "I bet I have some traits from daddy, some from the donor, some from you, mommy, and some from being created in a petrie dish!!" Yes, probably you do! He proposed that "sixty-percent of all children who are made in a petrie dish become very interested in science." He said he wants to become a chemist and an inventor when he grows up and that he's going to invent a lot of websites. One of the websites will be a community where donors and families can connect "and chat to eachother." (He's been spending time on Club Penguin and also has his own home page on shelfari.com, a reading community) So I asked, did he want to connect with his donor? "Sure!" he said. I told him that some donors don't want to meet the families they helped but they were very happy to help couples who wanted babies by donating "just a cell" from their bodies. They didn't consider it creating a child, just donating an egg and helping a couple who needed one.
I told him that the other evening, I went to dinner with other mothers who made their babies with an egg from a donor. He said, "Really? Wow!" I guess I should bring him to one of those DE family gatherings. At some point in the conversation, he called the donor an "ex-mother" GASP! Where does he come up with this?? (he did not call her HIS "ex-mother", mind you, just AN ex-mother). I said (extremely calmly, by the way) that the donor is not a mother, just a donor, and I asked him what he thinks a "mother" is. And he said a mother is " a mom you grow up with." He asked me if I wanted to meet the donor. I said that if I ever met her, I would like to say "Thank you for helping us make our son!" (neatly side stepping the question..., don't you think?)
That's about it!
Friday, February 4, 2011
Eggsploitation 2.4.11 and Why I Went
Heres why I went.I wanted to present our interests and be able to open the door for others to speak as well.I asked more questions rather than coming out for our side as I did not think being confrontational was the right approach for my first time at an event like this but rather I could reinforce to you all that we need more of our voices to be heard on this.
I'm passionate about the topic of third party reproduction and reproductive rights in general butthis goes deeper for me. It really is about my kids and maybe yours too if you're on here.
Of course I believe in the good in the profession, good doctors, other caring practitioners, etc...but this is also how I feel about just seeing the trailor for the film online.
How about the subtitle- egg donation a dirty little secret. As a parent, perhaps as a former donor yourself or infertility patient, about the activities of the religious right and what they say about us (Shark Tank girl for one, see my Twiblings article comments as well).
I don't believe this will go away if we don't fan it. Naral and NOW have been pretty quiet these last several yrs and where are we now? Huff post article that the 1st piece of legislation to beaddressed after the healthcare bill in the new congress is to pass a bill refining RAPE. Just myopinion.
Here's an informal review. This is all off the top of my head, notes elsewhere, more later.I attended the 2 screenings in NYC yesterday,Fordham daytime, Columbia One de mom friend joined me at each, and a film friend of mine joined me at Fordham, and DrNancy Carroll-Freeman,de mom of twins who ison the education committee of ASRM came toColumbia I was there yesterday in NYC for both screenings and there was a representative from NOW on the Columbia
I will be looking at the legitimacy of the film award, not known by a film friend. I was civil andlevel, as neutral as I could be in my questioning until Shark tank girl-well ,I only took one little pot shot,couldn't help it. When I asked is there a model by which ART is practiced elsewherthat they think is done according to their standards and that they would consider acceptable and I got an answer that made no sense-it might have,but it was just blah blah blah, nothing substantive. Which was when Shark Tank girl chimed in on how in other countries there is a homestudy done just like they do for adoption, to see if it’s a home and family fit to be parents. Mypot shot was-maybe they also do a better job of screening (this girl supposedly passed throughand donated twice herself). I reminded the Panel that I was asking about all ART and not just Donors and that in adoption there are different risks & liabilities for placing an existing child compared to who is entitled by law to have children through any form of reproduction.
Lahl said she is not trying to end all ivf,just mistreatment of donors, but then also says to end all art until they figure out the effects from all of it on women and-ready for this-the environment, and then in turn on all of us.
No one from the business was there. My RE said he would have but had theater tickets for that night (it wasn’t much notice when I asked him).
The additional piece in NYC that was brought up both times was that NY State is the first to pass a bill compensating donors for stem cell research (and hence taking advantage of the poorer populations of women who would be enticed by the $).
Lahl insists that she is not a Trojan horse for the religious right and was very upset that she was mis-quoted by the journalist, as journalists are known to do. She said she hears from women all the time so saying 3 people in the film does not represent the whole industry or that there are many more is not accurate. There was a medical writer there that had mentioned this and I spoke with her after the film, Marion Dreyfus, who writes about the women's global health issues, has a friend that paid a lotof money for his wife to get a donor and that's how she came to this. I spoke to the woman from NOW at Columbia and Marion For the 3 women in the film,how many more have to lose their ability to have children. Lahl admitted the screening venues are college campuses where donor recruiting is done.
The phrases used over and over were these:
Informed consent-either not given it or too young to understand it.
Longitudinal studies on (horrendous, life-threatening) health risks.
Taking advantage of women-the definition of eggsploitation a classic-if its on the website (let'sjust pick it apart for what it is and why shouldn't the medical community defend itself?)
Off label use of lupron. I did not get to ask how many drugs out there are also used regularly as off-label.
Regulation-I’m in favor of more openness as well as a registry of some kind if it can ever be done properly. They kept saying the donor is USED AND THEN FORGOTTEN. That really upset me.
And of course, the good ole-we’re the wild west of reproductive medicine, egg brokers, selling eggs. I have more notes and one other donor mom that I know attended each screening as did my film friend so I hope to have more to share.
One man who came late and left after his statement in which he said he was the chief of medicine at columbia (I will google and see if I can catch a photo to verify),said that anytime money is involved between a doctor and 2 parties there is a conflict of interest. Columbia had more attendance, more interest from audience and seemed on the left and because they were in a law school setting they were asking questions about malpractice insurance ratios globally as well asactual liability and responsibility-like medical mistakes happen and doctors don't want to mess up for many reasons, not just $.Please write
to me off line if you would like
to chime in on this and let me know if you are interested in having it posted.
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