Theresa Erickson,Conceptual Options, Ericksonlaw.com is hosting a radio show on Voice America. All shows are archived and there is an interesting and informative variety available and to be aired over the next several months.
On October 7th, I was a guest on the show to talk about The NYC Gathering and Disclosure of Donor Origins, along with Marna Gatlin of PVED.ORG and Megan Erickson, Theresa's Daughter.
Theresa hosted a great show and made my first public interview and radio experience (since the Sunday Morning Puzzle with Will Shortz and Leeann Hansen on NPR 20 yrs ago) both comfortable and enlightening.
Marna shared her insights and mission for PVED.org and has done tremendous work supporting the families involved in egg donation and the on-going OPEN discussion she is creating in our community.
Thanks so much to Megan Erickson who shared a side of egg donation not often heard from and indeed one person who has so much to offer others and is willing to share it. Theresa, Megan and Marna-what great examples of what strong families can be.
http://www.voiceamerica.com/voiceamerica/vepisode.aspx?aid=49165
http://www.voiceamerica.com/voiceamerica/vshow.aspx?sid=1767
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Wild Geese by Mary Oliver
Wild Geese
by Mary Oliver
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting —
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
from Dream Work by Mary Oliver
published by Atlantic Monthly Press
© Mary Oliver
by Mary Oliver
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting —
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
from Dream Work by Mary Oliver
published by Atlantic Monthly Press
© Mary Oliver
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Conversation with Diane Ehrensaft October 10, 2010
I've been talking with Diane Ehrensaft (author of "Mommies, Daddies, Donors, Suggogates") about Birth Others, Genetic Others, ages and stages of disclosure (see post from our NYC Gathering Womens Dinner in January with Diane where we discussed ages and stages of disclosure).
Diane coined the term "birth other"--which includes both donors and surrogates/gestational carriers (who are not genetically related) . My term for egg donors is "genetic others" since they didnt do the birthing.
The "young scientists" are the young school age kids who are interested in how things work rather than the complicated psychological implications. That comes later.
Diane strongly recommends having someone talk to classrooms and train teachers so that the children from assisted reproductive families do not feel like outliers (MY BIGGEST ISSUE AROUND THIS) and the issues apply to all children and the different ways of building families.
All parenthood involves loss-loss of nonparenthood life, loss of sleep, loss of fantasies as they are are replaced by the real child.
For those parents who have dealt with fertility problems, there may be the loss of having a genetically related child. For those parents missing a parent to have a baby with, there may be a feeling of a missing parent, who a donor cannot be. As long as people know it comes with the territory, they don't have to sweep the feelings under the rug.
What Diane wants parents to know is
1) that they will creatively draw their own family map and then navigate within it; there is no one boiler plate; 2) dishonesty never pays; 3) authenticity does; 4) at the same time, there can be tiers of disclosure and layers of privacy; 5) children are incredibly adaptable organisms, and all children have something to deal with; a birth history that involved assisted reproductive technology is one of those things to deal with, and can be done with pride and good feeling, as long as parents leave room for the full gamut of their children's feelings (and their own); 6) at the time, parents should carve out separate space to work through their own raw feelings, if they surface, so that what reaches the child are metabolized and empathic responses, rather than torn or conflicted ones.
Diane coined the term "birth other"--which includes both donors and surrogates/gestational carriers (who are not genetically related) . My term for egg donors is "genetic others" since they didnt do the birthing.
The "young scientists" are the young school age kids who are interested in how things work rather than the complicated psychological implications. That comes later.
Diane strongly recommends having someone talk to classrooms and train teachers so that the children from assisted reproductive families do not feel like outliers (MY BIGGEST ISSUE AROUND THIS) and the issues apply to all children and the different ways of building families.
All parenthood involves loss-loss of nonparenthood life, loss of sleep, loss of fantasies as they are are replaced by the real child.
For those parents who have dealt with fertility problems, there may be the loss of having a genetically related child. For those parents missing a parent to have a baby with, there may be a feeling of a missing parent, who a donor cannot be. As long as people know it comes with the territory, they don't have to sweep the feelings under the rug.
What Diane wants parents to know is
1) that they will creatively draw their own family map and then navigate within it; there is no one boiler plate; 2) dishonesty never pays; 3) authenticity does; 4) at the same time, there can be tiers of disclosure and layers of privacy; 5) children are incredibly adaptable organisms, and all children have something to deal with; a birth history that involved assisted reproductive technology is one of those things to deal with, and can be done with pride and good feeling, as long as parents leave room for the full gamut of their children's feelings (and their own); 6) at the time, parents should carve out separate space to work through their own raw feelings, if they surface, so that what reaches the child are metabolized and empathic responses, rather than torn or conflicted ones.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Link To Radio Show October 7, 2010
Thanks again to Reproductive and Family Lawyer Theresa Erickson of Conceptual Options and Ericksonlaw.com, Marna Gatlin of PVED.org and Theresa's daughter Megan Erickson, for todays Radio Show on Voice America. I was honored to be part of this innovative and educational series happening on Voice America.
We are very fortunate to have professionals like Theresa and Marna (and Theresa's other guest experts) in the field of Third Party Family Building.
The show Marna and I were on together was on the topic of Disclosure. Marna shares with us her insights on how she came up with new terminology, her approach with her own family, and all the services provided and being developed at PVED.org.
Megan Erickson spoke about her experience having a Mom who has been an egg donor and her feelings about having genetic others in her own life growing up and now as the young woman Theresa can be so proud of.
http://www.voiceamerica.com/voiceamerica/vshow.aspx?sid=1767
We are very fortunate to have professionals like Theresa and Marna (and Theresa's other guest experts) in the field of Third Party Family Building.
The show Marna and I were on together was on the topic of Disclosure. Marna shares with us her insights on how she came up with new terminology, her approach with her own family, and all the services provided and being developed at PVED.org.
Megan Erickson spoke about her experience having a Mom who has been an egg donor and her feelings about having genetic others in her own life growing up and now as the young woman Theresa can be so proud of.
http://www.voiceamerica.com/voiceamerica/vshow.aspx?sid=1767
Saturday, October 2, 2010
NYC Gathering Womens Dinner Recap-Childrens Book Review
September 13, 2010, led by Nancy Freeman-Carroll, PsyD.
The NYC Gathering Group joined together to review some of the books available to introduce the idea of assisted conception to children. There was a range of opinions about which books "spoke" most directly to each of us. Some especially liked the lovely illustrations in "Mommy was your tummy big?" Others, the books that gave less information, and left more room for the reader/mother to fill in details with her own story. The best of these seemed to mention less about donors and details of medical treatment, and more about how each family is unique and special.
We agreed that the books with more information about IVF, DE, DI are more appropriate for somewhat older children, but somewhat problematic, as many of them include a lot of references to the parents' struggle with infertility and how that was presented. There was consensus that too much talk about doctors and treatments could trouble a young child, and lead them to be concerned for their parents.
There is no perfect story, but all of the books are helpful because they encourage parents to speak to children about the special ways they were conceived. At the moment, we are all focused on talking to young children, stay tuned as we think more about how to talk to older kids too.
Nancy Freeman-Carroll, Psy.D.
Clinical Psychologist-Psychoanalyst
350 Central Park West, Suite 13E
New York, NY 10025
212-665-0442
nminafreeman@mindspring.com
The NYC Gathering Group joined together to review some of the books available to introduce the idea of assisted conception to children. There was a range of opinions about which books "spoke" most directly to each of us. Some especially liked the lovely illustrations in "Mommy was your tummy big?" Others, the books that gave less information, and left more room for the reader/mother to fill in details with her own story. The best of these seemed to mention less about donors and details of medical treatment, and more about how each family is unique and special.
We agreed that the books with more information about IVF, DE, DI are more appropriate for somewhat older children, but somewhat problematic, as many of them include a lot of references to the parents' struggle with infertility and how that was presented. There was consensus that too much talk about doctors and treatments could trouble a young child, and lead them to be concerned for their parents.
There is no perfect story, but all of the books are helpful because they encourage parents to speak to children about the special ways they were conceived. At the moment, we are all focused on talking to young children, stay tuned as we think more about how to talk to older kids too.
Nancy Freeman-Carroll, Psy.D.
Clinical Psychologist-Psychoanalyst
350 Central Park West, Suite 13E
New York, NY 10025
212-665-0442
nminafreeman@mindspring.com
October 7 Radio Show http://www.ericksonlaw.net/surrogacy-law-radio
The Surrogacy Lawyer Radio Program- Thursday at 11am PDT
October 7, Theresa Erickson will interview her guests (Sara, Marna and Megan) about disclosure for both donor-conceived children and (non-donor conceived) children of egg donors
Prospective parents who utilize third party reproductive technologies like egg donation must answer many questions as they move through the decision-making process. How should they choose an egg donor? Should the donation be known or anonymous? If, when and how should they disclose information to their child and others? Additionally, egg donors need to consider whom they will tell about their donation, especially their current or future children.
In the second part of a two-part series on donor disclosure, Theresa Erickson will discuss these and other questions on The Surrogacy Lawyer: Your Guide to IVF and Third Party Reproduction in an episode entitled “The Two Sides of Donor Disclosure,” that will air on Thursday, October 7 at 11AM PST/2PM EST on Voice America.
Surrogacy lawyer, author and radio host Theresa Erickson will be interviewing Marna Gatlin, founder and CEO of Parents Via Egg Donation (PVED); Sara Axel, founder of the NYC Gathering and a parent of twin six-year-old girls conceived through egg donation; and Megan Erickson, law student and Theresa Erickson’s daughter.
“Disclosure often is the elephant in the room,“ says attorney Erickson. “All parties know it is important, but also realize it is one of the hardest issues to address. Intended parents need to wrestle with determining whom should they tell, what information their children need to know and when they should learn it. Then there is the other side of the coin of how the egg donor should handle disclosure. As a former egg donor, I have had this conversation with my children, one of whom will relay her feelings about this.”
http://www.ericksonlaw.net/surrogacy-law-radio
October 7, Theresa Erickson will interview her guests (Sara, Marna and Megan) about disclosure for both donor-conceived children and (non-donor conceived) children of egg donors
Prospective parents who utilize third party reproductive technologies like egg donation must answer many questions as they move through the decision-making process. How should they choose an egg donor? Should the donation be known or anonymous? If, when and how should they disclose information to their child and others? Additionally, egg donors need to consider whom they will tell about their donation, especially their current or future children.
In the second part of a two-part series on donor disclosure, Theresa Erickson will discuss these and other questions on The Surrogacy Lawyer: Your Guide to IVF and Third Party Reproduction in an episode entitled “The Two Sides of Donor Disclosure,” that will air on Thursday, October 7 at 11AM PST/2PM EST on Voice America.
Surrogacy lawyer, author and radio host Theresa Erickson will be interviewing Marna Gatlin, founder and CEO of Parents Via Egg Donation (PVED); Sara Axel, founder of the NYC Gathering and a parent of twin six-year-old girls conceived through egg donation; and Megan Erickson, law student and Theresa Erickson’s daughter.
“Disclosure often is the elephant in the room,“ says attorney Erickson. “All parties know it is important, but also realize it is one of the hardest issues to address. Intended parents need to wrestle with determining whom should they tell, what information their children need to know and when they should learn it. Then there is the other side of the coin of how the egg donor should handle disclosure. As a former egg donor, I have had this conversation with my children, one of whom will relay her feelings about this.”
http://www.ericksonlaw.net/surrogacy-law-radio
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